so last night i spoke with my brother in law Mav and he says when are you going to change your song on your page? So as you can hear the song is different, I hope you all like! I also spoke with my sis last night that was not feeling very well yet. She has some kind of sickness and I hope to goodness I don't get it. I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and I was like oh man here we go then my hun got up and he too had a stuffy nose. So me being the germ a phobe that I am I starting bringing out the drugs. Airbourne I love that stuff it was invented by a school teacher you are suppose to take at the first symptom of illness or when you will be visiting someone ill. LOVE IT! The other I took is called NO TIME FOR COLDS and it is just that for people who do not have time to be sick. Like anybody does so I guess you can say it is for anyone. My children are both feeling ill also, actually I just got a call from school that my oldest son is sick and he wanted to come home. Unfortunately I do not have a vehicle so I cannot go get him unless I took the bus and school is over in like 30 ,minutes anyways. So I guess I will be nurse mommy tonight. Last night I was counselor mommy, see I do have a lot of different roles. You see my sons father and I got in a huge battle. HUGE! HE is the one that watches my children while I am doing my parties and he said he would not watch them anymore. My reaction fine! He does this all the time and I am really tired of it. Not to mention the conversation started with him calling me a bitch and cussing out my hun like he has anything to do with this. He said some pretty hurtful stuff so I doubt this time will end up like all the rest. I am not going to allow him back here due to his disrespect for me my man and my household in general. I have had enough. His last words before I hung up on him were I will see you in court I am taking the kids from you. Okay well I know I don't get to personal on here even though this is my journal I just don't because I am not too sure who reads this but here it is. How the hell is he going to take my children from me when one he does not and has never supported these kids financially, 2 he has not had a job in 9 years, and 3 he is 38 years old and still lives with his grandma. Why am I blasting him well I am tired of it. Since the day he found out I was pregnant he quit his job and has not worked since. When I met him he was living with his mom(should have been a sign) and since other than him living with me for awhile has always depended on a member of his family to provide a place to stay and support him. Then there is me am I doing a wonderful job out here on my own? Well lets say I could do better but my rent is paid there is food in the fridge, heat is on, lights are working, and there is cable for  viewing enjoyment. So I am not doing too bad. Then he throws in that all I do is parties as work. Okay those parties are keeping all of those things I just mentioned and it is allowing me to be here when my kids leave school and when they come home, and I am here to put them to bed as well. This being the major reason I started as a Passion Consultant. You look at all you have and then in the corner of your eye you realize just how fast your kids are growing. yes I could and have worked full time and yes bills would be paid a lot easier but look at all I am missing out on in my kids lives. Before Passion I was working 3rd shift and yes I made a lot of money but every night before I left I listened to my kids say how they needed me there. Working that shift when I was here I was sleeping and it sucked. My kids were affected greatly in school, socially and emotionally and I said enough. Now my youngest son who was in jeopardy of failing 1st grade is doing much better homework is getting done. So do I feel bad that I do not punch a clock every day ..No and if I think harder I do the mommy clock. The one where you never punch out! So no I do not and I will not feel guilty about my job. When the kids have something going on at school guess what I am there (by myself might i add) it use to be honey you know I have to work not anymore. Then after all those insults came the dagger he said that my kids hate me and do not want to be with me anymore. This hurt I must say it hurt like hell. Why do I believe what he said well my oldest son and I have not always seen eye to eye we have had some major things stand in the way and ultimately damage our relationship. Well this hurt me and after my son yelled at me saying that is was all my fault that he would not see his dad anymore and that he wanted to live with him I called him in my room. I came out and asked him if he hated me, he said no and I told him that is what his father had told me. After having a long conversation with my son I realized that his dislike or our lack of getting along had ALOT to do with his father. All the lies he has filled his head with all the things he has said about me I just don't understand. Is it not okay for a child to love both parents why must you lie to your child to steal all the love for himself? Maybe he is alone and needing that affection for himself. I don't talk bad about him to the kids this is so unfair. Then my child asked me well mom you use to do so much stuff with us and now you don't. This hurt too because I know it is true. Why? Well when you get told so many times by your child's father that your own kids don't like you it hurts and when I am around them I felt that dislike from them. How many people do you know that want to hang out with people that don't like you. I explained this to him and I think he finally understood. Then came the well dad buys us cool clothes and shoes and takes us places. My response to this is that dad does not having bills except for a cell phone bill. I would love it if all my money could go towards fun things, but it cant I have bills to pay. I broke down all the bills that I have to him and how things would be affected if I did not pay them and once again I think he understands. after a long talk we decided that we are going to work on our relationship to get it back where it was. I am going to do more things with my kids if they can show a little respect and love in return. As far as my hun well he didn't really get along to well with my oldest son either because of his mouth and actions they talked to and I think things are understood and will be better. I told him if we have to we will start a barney family that every night before we go to bed we get in a circle and sing the I love you you love me song. We all laughed and I gave him a hug and a kiss goodnight. I am ashamed to say I had not given my son a hug in over a year and it felt good. He told me he loved me and off to sleep he went. This morning getting ready for school he again told me he loved me actually 3 times before he left. I feel better and I pray he does too. My youngest son slept through this whole ordeal and I am going to have to explain tonight why his dad is not here as he promised . i hope it goes well! I told them that if they are good we will be going ice skating or roller skating this weekend and they are excited! SO am I! Thanks so much for listening! I will leave you with a little poem to my son...both of them

I sit alone and smile as I think of you
Of who you will be and the great things you will do
Will you be a doctor or ,scientist or someone grand
And when you are will you still hold my hand
You came into my life and brought a brilliant light
And I thank god for you each and every night
I kiss your chubby cheeks and rub your soft hair
And I pray whenever you need me I will always be there
To do the little things like wipe your tears
Or hold you in my arms to comfort your fears
I pray I will always be a good mother to you
And that my actions are always true
I pray one day you will forgive me my mistakes
And that I will always do whatever it takes
To put you first and give you a good life
Because having you has saved my life
I could never have picked a better son
For god has given me the perfect one....

I love you babies! MOM

Friends online are people we may never see.... we see pics, we see cams... it isn't the same... we grow close... we care and love one another..... one day we may not hear from one another... our hearts will break... all we see is a name on messenger but the person we don't see anymore.... we pray... please come back... all I ask is you remember me in the good times we had.... keep me close to your heart... friends forever... pass this on to all your friends.... if I get it back ..I know that you are a true friend

Wow Snart. Dude, don't EVER delete this blog, keep writing it and show it to them when they're old enough to understand it.

Wow what can I say just fab :)

Hang in there. I dont know how you do it. But you have to make a stand with their father. Thats important for you and the kids future.;)